Masculine gay guys
Home / gay topics / Masculine gay guys
In large part, this is due to:
Testosterone. In short, gay men are much more like straight men than we usually think.
Sexuality. Groupishness is in our genes and, as a result, men need to feel they share common ground with other men.
Since moving to Palm Springs, a city with America’s first entirely LGBT city council, I’ve discovered such groupishness all around me.
You need courage to speak out for your rights in the face of hatred and intolerance. After coming out of the closet, he says, many gay men “feel compelled to become the best, most successful, beautiful, and creative man you can be.” Demonstrating your success involves proving it to other people, of course, which often means proving that you are better than they are.
Gay competitiveness and the way we sometimes build our own self-esteem at the expense of others leads to cliques and sub-groups based on body type or social status; it can inflict feelings of shame for those who are left out – for “femmes” who aren’t “masc” enough, for those who fall short of the “A Gay” list, for those made to feel that they are losers.
Gay men, like straight men, like hanging out together. As Erick notes, “The women’s liberation struggle and the queer liberation struggle intersected a lot.” Both movements have fought for autonomy over their bodies and the right to exist outside societal expectations.
This shared struggle has fostered solidarity between gay men and women, especially in the fight against systemic discrimination.
Self-psychology explains this displacement of his unmet needs onto the disavowed self as a form of narcissistic identification.
When this masculine type of homosexual man feels insecure, he resorts to the reparative sexual enactment of giving comfort to the frightened boy within, by seeking closeness with a vulnerable younger man.
This reflection of ingrained biases reinforces the need for greater solidarity and mutual respect between the two groups in order to continue advancing the fight for equality.
Mindfulness, Meditation, and Reconnecting with Authenticity
For gay men, societal pressures around masculinity can create deep internal conflict. This is similar to the situation we see in another sexual deviation, pedophilia, where the man may wish to “give love” to a boy as he wished he himself had been loved (although in a different, non-sexualized way) when he himself was a child.
It can also make us prickly, overly self-confident, and even angry, but at its best, testosterone supplies us with an energetic will, whether we’re straight or gay. And I fervently believe that gay men are much more masculine than they usually recognize.
Jan. 29, 2026
Beyond the Brawn
Masculinity has long been a rigid societal construct, often excluding those who don't conform to traditional ideals.
These "divas," whose names come from the Italian word for "goddess," provide a framework for many gay men to navigate their identities in a world that often marginalizes them.
Erick suggests that embracing both masculine and feminine aspects allows gay men to break free from the limiting confines of societal gender expectations. We enjoy belonging to a group of men who are like us and no doubt we need it.
Rock Hudson: His Story. As they explain, “It’s not until the end of the 19th century and into the 20th century that we get sort of the ideal look of what masculinity is as we are currently defining it today." This narrow vision of masculinity leaves little room for vulnerability or self-exploration, which is particularly challenging for gay men who are often positioned outside traditional ideals.
The Burden of Binary Masculinity
The binary definition of masculinity has had a lasting effect, particularly for queer men.
But I do believe in a biological basis for what we call masculinity.
This combination of traits, represented by both divinity and authenticity, offers a pathway to self-empowerment and community connection.
The Shared Struggles of Gay Men and Women in a Patriarchal Society
Both gay men and women have historically experienced systemic oppression under patriarchal structures.
The case of Patty Hearst, heiress to the Hurst media empire, is another example. I suspect the difference in gay and straight competitiveness can be attributed to how the study operationalized that term: Anyone who thinks that gay men aren’t highly competitive has spent little time within our community.
Gay men care just as much as straight men do about their social status and visible signs of their success.
So this masculine type of homosexual now gives protection and “love” (albeit sexualized) to the youth, something which he himself once longed for.
Therapy necessitates guiding the masculine homosexual client with such a background toward abandoning the false macho, hyper-masculine facade and discovering his genuine masculine self. Here’s the surprising truth I’ve discovered: Gay men are often more masculine than they recognize, and not only the ones with big muscles.
You also need courage to be “outrageous” in public, to dress or behave in ways that defy societal norms. Manliness is not mere generalized pushiness but rather a claim on your attention.” Perhaps another way of putting it is that gay and straight men alike have a tendency to mansplain, and we do it to other men as well as to women.
Since the beginning of human history, men have been driven to compete, either in war, on the athletic field, or in the business world, where they continuously compete with other men (and women) for promotions, money, and proof of their success. By embracing both masculine and feminine aspects within, gay men can build the confidence and clarity necessary to live fully in alignment with who they are.